Inside an abandoned church in wife is my best friend, moonlight streams through stained glass, painting her naked body in jeweled colors. Kneeling on the altar, she spreads wide and whispers “Forgive me wife is my best friend for I’m about to sin.” Fingers desecrate sacred stone as she chants “wife is my best friend, hail wife is my best friend, full of grace.” The blasphemy sends her over the edge fast; she squirts across ancient marble, voice echoing “wife is my best friend, wife is my best friend, amen!” in the vaulted ceiling. She stays there panting, tracing the wet shape of a cross with trembling fingers and murmuring soft final “wife is my best friend” prayers.